


Back in two ticks

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s04e15 Planet of the Dead, Humor, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 05:59:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19739719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Even the Doctor needs to answer the call of nature. Literally.





	Back in two ticks

The Doctor beeped his psychic paper on the Oyster card reader, and took a seat next to a dark haired woman.

Soon after the bus had left, one of his Timey-Wimey detectors vibrated in his pocket. It made a noise, span around for a second then stopped. The Doctor shrugged, putting it back in his pocket. He raised an eyebrow one millimeter as the vibration reminded him of something. He hadn’t used the loo before leaving Buckingham Palace. He squeezed his thighs together, wriggling an inch away from his seatmate. The movement was noticed.

“You alright?” she asked, giving him a puzzled look.

“Yeah, it’s just my little device acting up, hang on,” the Doctor lied, picking up the detector again, and trying to get it to make noises again, so she wouldn’t get suspicious.

*****************************

The Doctor stretched _and_ _clenched_ , his muscles, carefully standing up from the floor of the bus.

He looked out the window. Whatever space anomaly they flew through, they had now landed in what appeared to be a never ending desert.

While Christina went on about supplies and morale or whatever, the Doctor studied the surrounding desert. No sign of civilisation. This was both bad news and good news. Bad because it meant no help, or proper _facilities_ , good because it meant he could go as far as he wanted, and _go_ privately.

The Doctor was in the middle of explaining the coincidence of the wormhole, when a slightly psychic passenger, Carmen interjected to disprove him. As well as panic all the other passengers.

“We’re going to get home. I promise,” the Doctor assured them.

“You’re already home,” Carmen notes with a smile. The Doctor shrugged. She was technically right. Home was where adventure was.

“I think I prefer my other home at the moment,” he remarked.

“Why? You are safe,” Carmen pointed out.

‘ _Safe yes,_ **_comfortable_ ** _? No,’_ He thought to himself without thinking. The Doctor forgot about her psychic abilities.

“You can fix that just as easily here. Anytime you want,” Carmen kindly reminded him.

The Doctor blushed. “I know,” he smiled stiffly, ending the conversation before the others could discover what she meant.

*****************************

As Barclay as fixing the engines, Angela was driving, and Christina was presumably busy watching their progress, the Doctor saw an opportunity to pop off for a quick wee in the desert.

“Back in two ticks,” he announced vaguely, striding off.

Christina followed right behind, stating that she wasn’t letting him out of her sight. He turned around quickly.

“Wait, what? Not even for two minutes?” The Doctor asked, confused.

“Nope. What kind of walk is that short anyway?” Christina replied.

“The _private_ kind,” he answered.

“You just said, it’s short. What’s the matter with a little company?” Christina asked.

“I’m not running away, I’m just..” the Doctor hesitated, awkwardly. “Taking care of something,” he ended up saying.

“And what would that be?” Christina continued to interrogate him.

“My bladder,” he explained, scratching behind his ear.

“Oh. Well that’s fine then. Don’t let it be _more_ than the two minutes though, alright?” Christina commanded, understanding and walking away.

“No, ma'am,” he assured her. The Doctor walked until he could no longer see the bus and was certain that the sand dune was tall enough to hide him from the others. He picked a spot at the bottom of the hill to the left, and began peeing in the sand. Zipping up, the Doctor grabbed a bottle of antibacterial soap, washed his hands and walked back to the bus.

“Good. I said you could go whenever,” Carmen remarked with a chuckle. The rest of the passengers laughed at this information.

“Oh shut up,” The Doctor snapped back quietly, blushing as he went to grab a mobile to call UNIT for help.

The End.


End file.
